Home > Games, In the News, Rants and Raves > Michael Jackson’s joystick could still be fondled

Michael Jackson’s joystick could still be fondled

I’m the first to admit that I’m not an expert regarding any topic. I’m a jack-of-all-trades, as they say, but a master of none. That’s what happens when you’re a journalist who covers sweeping beats that include an area as large as the state of Delaware (I’m not even kidding).

Despite this admission, there are some things I feel qualified to speak about. Eating is one of those. So is the topic of movies. As is the video game market.

Don't even try to imagine where that hand has been...

What makes me think I can discuss any of this? Well, I watch more movies than most people see their spouses, for starters. I’ve packed in enough food over the years to have tasted everything from raw squid to raw vegetable juice to raw dog (it’s hamburger, people).

And when it comes to video games? Well, let’s just say I play my fair share. The folks over at GameStop know me by name (they don’t even ask for my telephone number when reserving titles anymore). I have a Nintendo Wii, a Nintendo DSi, a Playstation 3 (backward compatible version!) and an Xbox 360 Elite. I play on a 1080p television set. I have a DVD rack just for the games I own.

So when the subject of games comes up, I tend to listen. Sure, I pass up on talking about Zynga or those little flash games on Facebook. I’m more of a platform gamer myself, though I do like the PC games now and again.

I enjoy titles ranging from racing to non-motorized sports to first-person shooters to RPGs to strategy and beyond. I’ll try any game out.

I’ve seen some dandies over the years: “Earthworm Jim,” “Battletoads,” “Toe Jam and Earl,” “Custer’s Revenge” (aka “Westward Ho”) and, of course, “E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial.” But, you know what? I played them and I can add them to my looming list of titles that I’ve tried my hand at.

But, when I heard that Sony just bought the rights to create and distribute a Michael Jackson video game, I could only shake my head.

Really? REALLY?

I can’t even fathom what this must be about, unless it’s a remake of “Dante’s Inferno” with Michael trying to fight his way out of Hell. He and a group of misfit Catholic priests do the Thriller dance to keep back demons and grab their crotches to shoot out… um… laser beams at enemies.

Or is it going to be a dance game? Or a sing-along? Do you get to visit Macaulay Culkin? Is there a monkey? Jesus Juice?

I can pretty much guarantee that I’m not going to buy this game. I didn’t buy “Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker” for the Sega Genesis or “Space Channel 5” for the Sega Dreamcast when they came out and, frankly, I was never a big fan of the King of Pop (sure, a few songs, but nothing to write home to mom about). Sure, I played “Sonic the Hedgehog 3,” on which Jackson was a composer, but I played it for The Hedgehog… Ron Jeremy is one of my childhood heroes.

With all of the scandals that have plagued Jackson’s image, I have to wonder what Sony is thinking. I can understand getting rights to produce CDs or even DVDs of him, but a game? For kids? C’mon, folks!

But, I guess this is some twisted justice handed down from on high and they do say that turnabout is fair play.

It looks like it’ll be kids who get to play with Jackson for once.

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  1. georgia
    March 27, 2010 at 2:08 am

    what the hell you make it seem so bad. why are u judging michael like this geez. it a game if u like it buy it if not they forget about it.

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