Home > Caffeine > “There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.”

“There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.”

A photo of a cup of coffee.
Image via Wikipedia

So I drink a lot of coffee. Everybody who knows me knows this — I get Starbucks gift cards for all gift-giving occasions, and my sister-in-law-to-be’s family even gave me ten or so pounds of various specialty coffees last Christmas.  It’s a well-known fact that I drink coffee constantly.

What isn’t as well known is the fact that I cannot, even the slightest bit, function in the mornings without it. Illustration:

Setting: Our kitchen, 9 a.m.

Kim shuffles from the bedroom to the kitchen, making her way to stand in front of the coffee pot. She sees there is leftover coffee from yesterday. Luckily, mugs are close to hand, and she dumps the remainder of the pot into one and sticks it into the microwave to heat up.

Sam, hearing movement in the kitchen, comes out to make sure all is well.

“Whatcha having for breakfast?” he asks Kim.

Kim grunts something that does not resemble words. The closest approximation is “Uh. Hmmph. Huh?”

Sam points to the microwave. “What are you nuking?”

Kim: “Microwave.”

Sam: “Yeahhh… That’s the microwave, honey.” (At least, that’s what he was thinking in his head. Actually he didn’t say anything, giving me a chance to redeem myself.)

Kim: “Uh, wait, no. Coffee.”

Sam: “OK. How about I get you some breakfast?”

Hey, at least he knows what he’s in for when he marries me. And the good news is, coffee is good for you! See, it says so right here… (The government said it so it must be true, right?)
Coffee drinkers have reduced risk of heart disease and diabetes. Of course, ignore that one study result about how overloading on caffeine can cause irregular heart rhythm. (I’m not worried about that anyway; I’ve built up such a caffeine tolerance I couldn’t overload on it if I tried!)

And hey, coffee grounds are useful even after you use them. See? You can use them in your garden. Environmentally friendly, organic, and thrifty. Not that I can claim to be any of those things, but it’s nice to know I could if I wanted.

P.S. I wrote that article for GardeningChannel.com, along with about 30 others… not that you can tell cause it was ghostwriting, but now you know. That’s also what I’m working on this week for my bread & butter. Or is that coffee and creamer?

Edit: That’s not at all true about the ghostwriting… I just saw the blog builder was kind enough to put my bio blurb at the bottom of the article. Awesome! Thanks Gardening Channel.com! And apologies… It’s only my second cup of coffee, you know…

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